Not terribly long ago, I walked in to my daughter's room to wake her for the day. It was cloudy, and early, and still a bit dark. She woke and started screaming "stop joking on me, it's still nighttime!" (insert shrills). I was not joking of course, and damn was she crabby. But this leads me to think about all the times I have thought she was so little, small, immature, growing, learning - who is playing a joke on me?
How does someone so small become so intuitive? So in touch with what is not right? How does this happen? How does a four year old ask questions like "remember when we went to x place and I ate y?" and she really remembers. What response do you give when John and I have a a "s.p.e.l.l.i.n.g" discussion about "b.e.d.t.i.m.e" and she says "stop talking like that, I know it's about me!"
Kids are too smart these days. I am not sure I'll ever be able to outsmart this one.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
I'll miss her how and when I want to
This past weekend my husband and daughter went away on a trip with the Blackhawk Princesses to Key Lime Cove. Over the course of my week I made mention of this trip and how I had a bit of anxiety about missing her. Someone said "but you travel for business, you must be used to it." Um really? You never get used to missing your child and yes, I do travel for business but that does not mean it is ever easy for her to be away. Frankly, when I travel for work, it's not really a choice, this trip I could have attended, but it was important for them to do this together.
This begs the question, what gives people the right to dictate, how, when, where, and why I could miss my child?
Oh right, there is no right to this...for anyone other than me.
This begs the question, what gives people the right to dictate, how, when, where, and why I could miss my child?
Oh right, there is no right to this...for anyone other than me.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Being Four
Being four is a really, really big deal. At least it is in our house. Today, my daughter turns four. One more year to go before she is a “whole hand.” But nevertheless four is awesome.At the age of four my daughter can do many, many things – speak in full sentences, put on her own clothes, express her opinion (often), understand right from wrong and the list goes on and on. But most important of all, at the age of four, you start to establish memories that will last a life time.
I want her to remember how much fun I am, the joys of baking with me, the messes I allow and encourage her to make with crafts and play-dog, her first friends in school and day care (Zoey, Elizabeth, Lauren, Brigid and Nora), he special bond and wild times with her cousins (Drew, Joey and Nick), the way her room is decorated, the joys of splashing in the pool, the excitement of riding a Dora the Explorer bike and so on. But more than anything, I want that joy to last forever.
And this I promise on this ever-so-special day – I will manifest her joy, supplement her humor, encourage her silliness and preserve her childhood as every parent should. She has made me the best mother I can be and I will make her the best and most joyful person you could ever imagine.
To many more years – my sweet Rie.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Ups and Downs
Anyone who has known me for a long time knows that I have struggled with my weight. I was consistently average through high school and even most of college. My senior year of college through the age of 25 I was very much a "plus." At 25 I decided to change my life and enrolled in Weight Watchers and after about 3 years I had lost around 90 pounds. And then, I got married and pregnant and welcomed a large portion of that weight back. Since January I have recommitted to Weight Watchers and have lost every week since. It's not a ton of weight, but it's slow and steady progress.
I have never felt bad about myself, plus sized or not - I made the choice each and every time to put food in my mouth. Right or wrong, I made the choice. The choices I made have led to tighter pants and plus sized shirts, but those choices were all mine. When it comes to weight loss, it's not about the scale it's about accepting your responsibility for the choice you have made in life...and then dealing with it.
You see ups and downs on the scale are just like every up and down in life - you chose them. Conscious or not, the things that happen to you (positive or negative) are all part of who you are. The path you take makes you - YOU.
I have never felt bad about myself, plus sized or not - I made the choice each and every time to put food in my mouth. Right or wrong, I made the choice. The choices I made have led to tighter pants and plus sized shirts, but those choices were all mine. When it comes to weight loss, it's not about the scale it's about accepting your responsibility for the choice you have made in life...and then dealing with it.
You see ups and downs on the scale are just like every up and down in life - you chose them. Conscious or not, the things that happen to you (positive or negative) are all part of who you are. The path you take makes you - YOU.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
My love/hate relationship with March 10th
March 10th is an important day in our family.
Sad but true, the only one of these dates I have been able to focus on for years now, is the passing of my Grandma. She was the best. No, really, she was. My Grandma was AWESOME. For as long as I will live, no other place will show the best of me, like the glimmer in Gram's eyes when I did something well, or not. To her, I was perfect, and to me, she was too.
My Grandma had a great life, while filled with the normal ups and downs of raising a large family, she brought joy to many people. Having spent many years raising a family, my Gram spent her latter years waiting tables at a local restaurant. Nightly she served dinner to some of the south-side's notable characters, always leaving at the end of the night knowing how much she made in tips, who drank which cocktail and what the weather was on that day. She could tell you who had a Manhattan on March 10, 1987 and whether it rained or snowed on the turn of a dime.
Quirkiness aside, my Gram had a liking, well really, a love and passion for shopping, most notably purses and jewelry. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her as I wear a pair of earrings, or slip on a bracelet or grab money from my handbag. No other woman in my life influenced my choices of accessories like she did.
As years have passed and times have changed, I know I am not perfect, and I have learned that she was not either. But that does not really matter, she was the greatest Grandma around, hands down. She was protective to a fault, fiercely loving and kind - I miss her all of the time. And it is hard knowing that my daughter never had the chance to meet her, but I know one thing for sure, A's love for glitter and glam comes with divine inspiration. Thanks Gram!
- March 10, 1973 - Mom and Dad were married
- March 10, 1947 - my father in law was born
- March 10, 2008 - my friend's son was born
- March 10, 194x - our family friend was born
- March 10, 2005 - my Grandma passed away
Sad but true, the only one of these dates I have been able to focus on for years now, is the passing of my Grandma. She was the best. No, really, she was. My Grandma was AWESOME. For as long as I will live, no other place will show the best of me, like the glimmer in Gram's eyes when I did something well, or not. To her, I was perfect, and to me, she was too.
My Grandma had a great life, while filled with the normal ups and downs of raising a large family, she brought joy to many people. Having spent many years raising a family, my Gram spent her latter years waiting tables at a local restaurant. Nightly she served dinner to some of the south-side's notable characters, always leaving at the end of the night knowing how much she made in tips, who drank which cocktail and what the weather was on that day. She could tell you who had a Manhattan on March 10, 1987 and whether it rained or snowed on the turn of a dime.
Quirkiness aside, my Gram had a liking, well really, a love and passion for shopping, most notably purses and jewelry. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her as I wear a pair of earrings, or slip on a bracelet or grab money from my handbag. No other woman in my life influenced my choices of accessories like she did.
As years have passed and times have changed, I know I am not perfect, and I have learned that she was not either. But that does not really matter, she was the greatest Grandma around, hands down. She was protective to a fault, fiercely loving and kind - I miss her all of the time. And it is hard knowing that my daughter never had the chance to meet her, but I know one thing for sure, A's love for glitter and glam comes with divine inspiration. Thanks Gram!
My Grandma (seated in red) with many of my cousins at her 70th birthday party
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Fairy light = danger
I had a little post planned all in my head and as I sat down to write this A comes down the stairs holding a little Tinkerbell light. The light was previously on her super heavy, very tall, antique dresser. When I asked how this ended up in her hands she said "duh, I stacked all the pillows up and grabbed it." Now I should be mad - (1) she is out of bed (2) she did something dangerous and (3) because I am the Mommy and I can do that but really, I am proud. Why? (1) she was crafty enough to figure out a way to do it and (2) she did not lie.
Hence, today's parenting dilemma - be mad because she did something foolish or be proud that she was honest and forthcoming? I am erring on the side of proud. Kids, even my little four year old, are living in a world with tremendous pressure. It starts before day one - be born on time, grow quick, eat well, sleep right, don't wake the neighbors, speak at an early age (and in multiple languages) and the list goes on. So shoot, who cares. She broke a rule, it was small - but she was honest. High fives to my honest, adorable and forthcoming child.
Hence, today's parenting dilemma - be mad because she did something foolish or be proud that she was honest and forthcoming? I am erring on the side of proud. Kids, even my little four year old, are living in a world with tremendous pressure. It starts before day one - be born on time, grow quick, eat well, sleep right, don't wake the neighbors, speak at an early age (and in multiple languages) and the list goes on. So shoot, who cares. She broke a rule, it was small - but she was honest. High fives to my honest, adorable and forthcoming child.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Mommyclopedia
A conversation in our house that occurs often is "why are you always so tired and crabby?" I know I am not alone in this conversation. There are millions of mothers out there that are simply exhausted. The reason behind the exhaustion (with a side effect of crabbiness) is mommyclopedia. Mommyclopedia is the condition of having to know everything - appointments, shoe sizes, birth weight, last time fed, favorite snack on a Wednesday (dramatically different than Thursday), favorite color, correct approach for going to the doctor, magic words of the day, size of pants next August and so on and so and so on.
I'm not going to lie, my husband knows, nor would be able to answer 99% of the items mentioned about. That does not make him a bad father just like knowing these things does not make me a good mother, but knowing all of these things can be overwhelming at times.
There's no magic cure for mommyclopedia, my Mom can still recite many of these things about my sister and I. I guess the good side of the condition means my mind will always be fresh, crabby or not.
I'm not going to lie, my husband knows, nor would be able to answer 99% of the items mentioned about. That does not make him a bad father just like knowing these things does not make me a good mother, but knowing all of these things can be overwhelming at times.
There's no magic cure for mommyclopedia, my Mom can still recite many of these things about my sister and I. I guess the good side of the condition means my mind will always be fresh, crabby or not.
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